Day 82 to 93 How De-Cluttering is a Sign of Something Else.

What a ride this is. I didn't realise that de-cluttering was a disconnection to that which is not me.

Could de-cluttering be caused by something else?

I have come to realise over the last few weeks (hence my distraction from this blog) that 'I' am not my house, 'I' am not my clothes, 'I' am not the 'me' I have created... or should I say my emotions have created. I am not any of that.  

And where the heck did all that come from? I am coming to learn that this 'me' came from many directions including my parents, my biological roots, my experiences and probably the collective lineage of life. No wonder it can feel like I am not driving this bus sometimes.

Disconnecting from the material world has either started this journey or been a consequence of something unconsciously stirring from within.

Either way it has opened a door way through which my scared little child is walking.

I am no different to anyone else on the awareness journey. I have fears, doubts, excitements and joys. AND I have a pain-body (I like to call Mrs p-body) that is engaged at the slightest trigger and seduces my emotions and mind into dancing with the ego. Once I identify with any of it... I am in the game of the ego. And of late it has full on.

Realising I am NOT what I observe has been a

great reminder of all that which I have known before. But it appears that having what I want and opening my heart in all it's glory has stirred the sleeping tiger. This has had me somewhat possessed by the pain-body full on. I am on the journey back home.

I have discovered that material consumerism has been my escape from living with myself. I can't stand that side of me that has appeared and taken over.

Even my reaction to it is part of it. How strange this game is. So to observe it and become fully aware is what I am up for. Perhaps I will share more of it here if folks are interested.

What's next for me is to observe, to see just what is really going on. And that which I can observe is not the 'I am'. I will discover the real self and uncover the created me. And I expect the pain-body will transmute into a world I am yet to discover. The rock will become the crystal. Hanging with the tension will lead the way.  

The real game is happening.

Cheers from Deb (suffering, seeking and surrendering to the truth... one gone-ski at a time) 

What went out - 15 items

9 handbags that I just don't use anymore. Some I actually have never used. Mostly gifts from others as I don't really buy bags that often. I also tossed out 2 tops and 4 workshop packs.

What came in - 4 items

2 pairs of work shoes, 1 ceramic pot and a plant. I could stop there and not share the shoes story... but I won't. Here is what happened...lol.
I bought a pair of red shoes a while back for work. They were on sale from $249 to %99 form Eco...very well made and very comfortable. I wear them often at work and they are very comfortable and are an excellent quality... not like some of the cheap shit I have bought in the past. The problem was when I bought them I could have bought a second pair for 50%...but didn't . WTF!!! Why didn't I get the black as well!!?? Anyway I dropped by the store JUST IN CASE the black ones were still there... and they were!!! So I bought them and another great pair of closed in shoes for winter...equally high quality and 50% for second pair. All in all I bought over $450 worth of shoes for $150 and I expect to get lots of wears out of them and for them to last for years.

INSIGHTS

(1) I am not 'me'
(2) If this happening to me, everyone I met that is not in their hearts is swept up by their pain-body. Empathy emerges from my heart.
(3) Getting rid of the triggers of my pain are not the answer... not identifying with it, is. 

TOTAL: OUT - 1000  IN - 128 (whoohoo!! we hit 1000)

TOTAL CASH sales from gone-ski items = $48