What a ride this is. I didn't realise that de-cluttering was a disconnection to that which is not me.
Could de-cluttering be caused by something else?
I have come to realise over the last few weeks (hence my distraction from this blog) that 'I' am not my house, 'I' am not my clothes, 'I' am not the 'me' I have created... or should I say my emotions have created. I am not any of that.
And where the heck did all that come from? I am coming to learn that this 'me' came from many directions including my parents, my biological roots, my experiences and probably the collective lineage of life. No wonder it can feel like I am not driving this bus sometimes.
Disconnecting from the material world has either started this journey or been a consequence of something unconsciously stirring from within.
Either way it has opened a door way through which my scared little child is walking.
I am no different to anyone else on the awareness journey. I have fears, doubts, excitements and joys. AND I have a pain-body (I like to call Mrs p-body) that is engaged at the slightest trigger and seduces my emotions and mind into dancing with the ego. Once I identify with any of it... I am in the game of the ego. And of late it has full on.
Realising I am NOT what I observe has been a
great reminder of all that which I have known before. But it appears that having what I want and opening my heart in all it's glory has stirred the sleeping tiger. This has had me somewhat possessed by the pain-body full on. I am on the journey back home.
I have discovered that material consumerism has been my escape from living with myself. I can't stand that side of me that has appeared and taken over.
Even my reaction to it is part of it. How strange this game is. So to observe it and become fully aware is what I am up for. Perhaps I will share more of it here if folks are interested.
What's next for me is to observe, to see just what is really going on. And that which I can observe is not the 'I am'. I will discover the real self and uncover the created me. And I expect the pain-body will transmute into a world I am yet to discover. The rock will become the crystal. Hanging with the tension will lead the way.
The real game is happening.
Cheers from Deb (suffering, seeking and surrendering to the truth... one gone-ski at a time)
What went out - 15 items
9 handbags that I just don't use anymore. Some I actually have never used. Mostly gifts from others as I don't really buy bags that often. I also tossed out 2 tops and 4 workshop packs.
What came in - 4 items
2 pairs of work shoes, 1 ceramic pot and a plant. I could stop there and not share the shoes story... but I won't. Here is what happened...lol.
I bought a pair of red shoes a while back for work. They were on sale from $249 to %99 form Eco...very well made and very comfortable. I wear them often at work and they are very comfortable and are an excellent quality... not like some of the cheap shit I have bought in the past. The problem was when I bought them I could have bought a second pair for 50%...but didn't . WTF!!! Why didn't I get the black as well!!?? Anyway I dropped by the store JUST IN CASE the black ones were still there... and they were!!! So I bought them and another great pair of closed in shoes for winter...equally high quality and 50% for second pair. All in all I bought over $450 worth of shoes for $150 and I expect to get lots of wears out of them and for them to last for years.
INSIGHTS
(1) I am not 'me'
(2) If this happening to me, everyone I met that is not in their hearts is swept up by their pain-body. Empathy emerges from my heart.
(3) Getting rid of the triggers of my pain are not the answer... not identifying with it, is.
TOTAL: OUT - 1000 IN - 128 (whoohoo!! we hit 1000)
TOTAL CASH sales from gone-ski items = $48
Nothing to report for yesterday other than I notice we are distracted by other things. That happens...no biggy.
What happens when there is no more to clear?
Will this happen before we hit December 31st 2015? Will we run out of gone-ski items by day 365? Interesting question posed by Sammi (miss 12 yr old).
I think the harder this gets, the more we will learn about ourselves. When there are no more items to clear, I am sure there will be a level of gratitude beyond what I have known to date.
I have never wanted for anything other than my true hearts passions. I had everything I needed as a child and throughout the years. I have had tough times financially however over the last many years and it has brought home some truths. All this is leading me somewhere. I can feel it coming. Even the shadows are appearing to prevent the next leap.
It's amazing how when you are walking towards your higher calling, forces appear to block the path. I imagine most reframe this as an indication it is the wrong path. Perfect outcome for preventing the risk of failure, right? After all how would we be if after all this time we fail at the very thing we believe we are here to do?
A better question is...
Do we ever fail? Or is simply not trying the ultimate fail? or...
Do we get so distracted by the 'false' life, the one we chase for our egos happiness...?
How can we know?
All very cool questions to explore....have fun with them?
Cheers from Deb (shadow boxing in stillness)
What went out - 0 items
Nothing....doh!
What came in - 0 items
Phew...nothing.
INSIGHTS
(1) Awareness of all aspects of the journey bring freedom, including the shadows
(2) The more tension applied the greater the results (let's see how we feel at day 365)
TOTAL: OUT - 775 IN - 67
TOTAL CASH sales from gone-ski items = $48
I wonder if this is getting boring. Items in, items out... (yawn).
Two purchases. But what's missing?
We picked up our new toaster and kettle...and they rock! And we didn't need the thrill of the rush, the carefree, hair blowing in the wind, rush that you get when you grab a bargain! It is a false high, a gratification that demands more and more and more!
It is a drug and I know I have been smoking that shit for a while now. Giving it up has been pretty easy which makes me wonder whether the addiction will go underground. They all do, don't they?
Will I find other ways of distracting myself from life? Or will I sit in the void and continue the journey back to my old self.
Door number 1: blood rushing, the thrill of the chase...see it's exciting!
or...
Door number 2: stillness, heart beating and energetic connection with everything around me.
or..
Door number 3: absolutely no idea... perfect! I choose door number 3.
What came in - 2 items
Our new toaster and kettle
What went out - 3 items
2 pairs of socks and a toaster which is going to my ex hubby
INSIGHTS
(1) It's just a game, play full out
(2) There are more doors than you know
TOTAL: OUT - 745 IN - 66
Sometimes I feel like I live in the matrix without any blue pill.
I am embarrassed to say how many black coats I had (until this morning). Seventeen!! WTF!!??!!
How could this be? How could I have seventeen different black coats? Admittedly I didn't pay full retail for most of them, but still they were part of my consumerism madness.
Even when I counted them it seemed impossible that there were seventeen. OMG!
So out with the old... and no way is there going to be any new. Enough is enough, no matter how much of a bargain they appear to be.
What went out - 4 items
Four coats that I find myself no longer wearing
What came in - 0 items
Nothing new came in da house
INSIGHTS
(1) A bargain is something I find at a ridiculously good price, that is ON MY WISH-LIST
(2) There is such a thing as TOO MUCH
TOTAL: OUT - 625 IN - 49
New habits are forming. You know the deal, what you focus on gets bigger or more obvious. Its called the Hawthorn Effect (or observer effect) where simply the effect of being observed, or in this case, self-observation, brings about the change without any other changes being implemented.
What I have noticed
- I am considering every expenditure regardless how much it is (new for me)
- I am not interested in going to the shops (WTF!! this used to be a pastime)
- I am not looking to bring things into my life (it was my old way of filling myself up)
- I am more interested in experiencing connections (an expanded way of being for me)
- I am on the look out for things I no longer need in my life (in the past I rarely noticed the 'stuff'... and often I would have things I have never used... oh dear!)
It doesn't matter what you go for...shi(f)t will happen
As you make changes in life towards what you love, we make choices, challenges, goals and other commitments to outcomes. It doesn't matter what you go for, all your dragons will appear to try to keep the status quo.
I believe that we are here to experience ourselves as a full expression of our hearts. My commitment to this for myself is the top priority. It is certainly not an easy journey...but it is the ONLY journey in life. Otherwise we will be driven by our unconscious compulsion for comfort and reduced tension.
A surprise for most people is the premise that tension (creative not psychological) is what enables us to fulfil our dreams. True change occurs when tension is applied. Therefore it is our relationship to tension that needs developing...not the how-to's we often seek to get us what we want.
As a personal and business coach I love exploring this concept with clients. Discovering their true value and then setting a course often develops tension. Their results equate directly to their relationship with this tension.
If you want to learn more about this email me for a session deb@creativecoaching.com - mention this blog for a special first session offer.
What went out - 9 items
Plenty of things to grab as I moved around the house. It is amazing what you find at the bottom of some cupboards including gifts still in their plastic, scented candles, table runners never used, an old decorative box that has lost its pizzazz.
What came in - 0 items
Nothing...yay!!
INSIGHTS
(1) Developing a positive relationship with tension enables us to achieve anything
(2) Staying conscious take effort
TOTAL: OUT - 316 IN - 9
There is no such things as cramming when it comes to changing a behaviour. It takes a real choice followed by consistent action in line with that choice. Of course you can fail, stumble and even fall... but to get up and keep going is the sign of commitment.
When you take on the taming of a personal dragon it is wise to know you are not in a battle with the dragon because once this is over you will jump upon your dragons back and ride her into the new world.
My dragon is my need to be filled up by external 'things'. It has brought me all kinds of capabilities, passions, skills and awareness. Once I have tamed her these attributes will be reassigned to what is more true to do. I can already feel the difference. I am definitely working towards something way more important than 'stuff'. Patience and trust are the energies growing wings.
Today I spent most of my time working and then sleeping. I am very tired. I think a lot is going on emotionally and so therefore it is taking a toll on me physically. So prior to going to bed I asked my daughter to find a few things we can clear out as I am too tired to get up and do it. She brought six things for the gone-ski box. Brilliant!
What went out - 6 items
Thanks Miss Sammi for finding another 6 items . One wonders just how many 'things' will appear from her room. Might be like one of those clown cars.
What came in - 0 items
Another trip to the supermarket to get food. We did brilliantly buying mostly only items on the shopping list. We added 6 nectarines, blueberries, pear, mushrooms, blue cheese, liquorice tea and chicken necks for the dog. Yes all impulse buys... must put more time into the list prior to leaving the house because the list was done standing in the car part prior to going in....way too rushed.
INSIGHTS
(1) When your tired, rest
(2) Put time into your lists before you hit the shops
(3) Deviating from the list comes in two flavours - (1) demanding teenager or (2) forgetful adult. Feel the energy of the purchase. If it is on an end cap or check out stand it may even be the six year old priming for a tantrum.
TOTAL: OUT - 295 IN - 4
